I fucking love wrestling.
Its daft, isn't it? In real life, one punch from someone built like a WWE superstar (not you James Ellsworth) would knock you into a coma. Hell, a real life Superman Punch is a fight ender in MMA. In the world of wrestling (Sports Entertainment, sorry Mr McMahon) punches do literally nothing. Unless you're Roman Reigns, but even then your Superman Punch is shit.
I digress. I love wrestling. I love it and all the silly, overblown drama that ties the storylines together. What I love most, though, are the entertainers so good at what they do they make me forget this all isn't real. In the ring, on the microphone, because they have literal rocks for abs, whatever. Here is my top ten favourite wrestlers ever, and why.
*NOTE: I'm not 30 yet so if you're here expecting entries from before the early 1990s you're about to waste a lot of your time*
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10. Adam Cole
ADAM COLE, BAYBAY!
Okay now that's out of my system, what a superb Sports Entertainer Adam Cole is. He wrestles a smooth, safe, yet fucking deadly to watch style that I can't get enough of; see NXT Takeover Brooklyn 4, and his jawdropping Superkick to Ricochet WHO WAS UPSIDE DOWN IN A MOONSAULT AT THE TIME. It's outstanding. He cuts a good promo too, sounding confident and like he actually believes what he's saying.
The main allure of the Panama City Playboy, though, is his aura. He carries himself like the biggest star in the world, and you believe it. He oozes cool, from the cocksure smile to the little "Boom." he does in time with his music on the apron. I adore Adam Cole, and with The Undisputed Era around him or not, bank on him taking over WWE for years to come.
9.Lita
Now then. In a woman who has spent time in WWE being made to play out a miscarriage storyline and simulate sex with Edge in the centre of the ring, it still stands that Lita was my awakening to the fact women in wrestling could... Well, you know, wrestle.
She was subjected to the same nonsense all women in WWE were at the time, that's undeniable. But beneath the idiocy, she was and still is a very tidy wrestler indeed, with a moonsault 99% of wrestlers of any gender would envy. She may only be in this list because of what she means to me personally but this is my list so fuck you. Lita is great.
8. John Cena
Calm down, getting angry won't change the fact Cena made the list (sorry Mr Jericho).
John Cena was ever present in WWE for over a decade, in which yes I KNOW he was pushed to absurd levels and I KNOW he spent a portion only caring about 5 moves and I KNOW he buried The Nexus by himself, but guess what? I don't care. In his recent years he's used his status as Company Veteran to put a LOT of new talent over, and he's actually tried to keep up with the newbies too, adding various moves to his repertoire with varying degrees of success. Looking at you, Springboard Stunner.
His promo work is outstanding, his in ring work is decent and he's tried HARD to improve, and he's a diamond away from it all. Sorry, internet, guess what? cenawinslol
7. Finn Bálor
Look at him. LOOK AT HIM. Being that hot should be illegal. Christ.
Anyway. Finn Bálor is a curious case these days; from superb independent runs and a glorious (sorry Mr Roode) New Japan tenure, followed by becoming the first ever Universal Champion, Finn's career has taken a turn for the mediocre in WWE. Or at least it has in terms of booking, but that's symptomatic of WWE.
As a wrestler, Bálor is divine. Quick enough to hang with the high flyers but hard enough to tough it with the heavy hitters, when allowed to he can really show why people love wrestling. His current finisher, the Coup De Grâce, is also a rare instance of a wrestling finisher that genuinely could kill you. Finn Bálor is a gem.
(Okay but seriously look at him. I wouldn't care if Finn Bálor said to call him daddy. Fit.)
6. Owen Hart
We reach my earliest memory of properly loving a wrestler. I had been ten years old for 29 days when Owen Hart died; I remember my grandad, who taped Over The Edge for me, wouldn't let me watch it. It seems like a lifetime ago.
Owen was brilliant. He spent almost and if not all of his career in his brother Bret's shadow, but Owen was a fantastic wrestler in his own right. Brilliant in the ring and infinitely more charismatic than Bret on the mic, he inspired Kevin Owens to the point he took the ring surname Owens in honour, and is rightly remembered by the wrestling world at large as a genius taken too soon.
Rest in peace, Owen Hart.
5. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Stone Cold saved WWE. Undeniably and undisputed (sorry Messrs Cole, O'Reilly, Strong, Fish). During the Monday Night Wars, Austin was the difference between WWE and WCW. That alone attests to his importance to wrestling.
Steve Austin was always better on the microphone than he was a wrestler. That isn't to say be wasn't good enough in ring, evidently he was. He was a good slugger, able to duke it out with anyone and everyone. But good lord, the man was electric with a mic in his hand. The "Austin 3:16" promo gets a list inclusion alone. He spent the late 90s, WWE's halcyon days according to many, ruthlessly ripping everyone and everyone, then hitting another rare finisher that could kill you, and necking beer.
The most important wrestler since the turn of the 1990s, and that's the bottom line, cos Stone Cold said so.
4. Samoa Joe
Right, listen. I don't give a toss about HOW CAN SAMOA JOE BE ABOVE FUCKING STONE COLD whingebagging. He is. Imagine there's a deal with it gif here.
The first reason Samoa Joe is this high, is he's current. My memory of him now is better than my memory of Stone Cold 15 years ago. That's the reality of the situation. The second reason is that Joe is as close to Austin's level of Do Not Give A Fuck as modern WWE gets. His promo work is stunning in both it's believability and it's sheer viciousness. On top of that, Samoa Joe is an absolutely wonderful wrestler. He isn't going to hit a Shooting Star Press any time soon, but he's a LOT quicker than most assume, and is a rare wrestler in the modern WWE era that could pull off a finisher like the Coquina Clutch; rear naked chokes are deadly in reality, but suffer Superman Punch syndrome in wrestling world.
tl;dr Joe is gonna kill you.
3. The Various Gimmicks of Mick Foley
How Mick Foley was able to forge the career he has is a miracle. A wrestler with that many completely different gimmicks, every other time, gets told to settle for one of them, or has the entire thing turned into a shit schizophrenia storyline. Either way, Mick would have done as told admirably. What that doesn't explain, however, is quite how he got the level of opportunities in WWE (F) that he did, when Vince McMahon's obsession with performers being sculpted like statues of Gods hadn't yet begun to even slightly calm down. Mick Foley, with no disrespect intended... was not that type of build at all. It always surprised me as a kid seeing him alongside people like Triple H or Randy Orton. Testament to his ability in ring and on the mic.
As it stands, though, Foley has played Mick Foley, Mankind, Cactus Jack and Dude Love. Sometimes most of them all on the same night. Dude Love was great and I won't hear otherwise, Cactus Jack was the most uninteresting of the lot for me, Mankind was fantastic, and standard Mick Foley is seemingly a nice bloke. Four gimmicks, three rousing success stories and another that should have succeeded too. God bless Mick Foley. Owww, have mercy!
2. Mojo Rawley
nah just kidding
2. Chris Jericho
Speaking of wrestlers able to constantly reinvent themselves, I doubt there are many better or more consistently successful at it than Y2J.
Chris Jericho has changed his entire schtick so many times. The Man of 1,004 Holds (ARMBAR!), The Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, Conspiracy Theorist, Cooldad, it doesn't matter (sorry Mr Johnson). Jericho makes it work and gets it over. Literally; Chris Jericho successfully managed to get the word "it" over with fans. He's forever tuned into what is popular, yet smart enough to know what he can and can't pull off.
Even in the twilight of his career, Jericho is going to New Japan, having 5* matches and taking over. The feud with Kenny Omega was superb from start to finish and I eagerly await his reappearance with the Intercontinental title. Oh and Fozzy are semi-ironically great, but Judas is an unironically great song. Bye.
1. Shawn Michaels
The number one position was never in question. Shawn Michaels is comfortably my favourite wrestler of all time.
I'm fully aware that the man was... unpleasant, for a long period of time. That's not what's being debated, unless it's something like Hogan being a massive racist idiot. Michaels was unpleasant to work with, but both in the ring and in promos, Shawn was absolutely spectacular. A predominantly high flyer in an era of mostly sluggers and mat experts, he was one of the best sellers you'll ever see, and had the babyface comeback down to a fine art. He was also a fantastic heel; Google "Shawn Michaels Montreal heel promo". The heat is unbelievable, and the bait and switch with Bret Hart's music is fucking funny as hell.
Shawn has been involved in some of the all time great rivalries; Bret Hart, Triple H, Chris Jericho all deserve mentions. None, though, are as rightly or fondly remembered as his feud with The Undertaker. It spanned years on end yet never once got boring, and spawned some of the greatest wrestling matches of all time.
Shawn Michaels is unarguably one of the greatest of all time, and is forever my greatest of all time.
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10. Adam Cole
ADAM COLE, BAYBAY!
Okay now that's out of my system, what a superb Sports Entertainer Adam Cole is. He wrestles a smooth, safe, yet fucking deadly to watch style that I can't get enough of; see NXT Takeover Brooklyn 4, and his jawdropping Superkick to Ricochet WHO WAS UPSIDE DOWN IN A MOONSAULT AT THE TIME. It's outstanding. He cuts a good promo too, sounding confident and like he actually believes what he's saying.
The main allure of the Panama City Playboy, though, is his aura. He carries himself like the biggest star in the world, and you believe it. He oozes cool, from the cocksure smile to the little "Boom." he does in time with his music on the apron. I adore Adam Cole, and with The Undisputed Era around him or not, bank on him taking over WWE for years to come.
9.Lita
Now then. In a woman who has spent time in WWE being made to play out a miscarriage storyline and simulate sex with Edge in the centre of the ring, it still stands that Lita was my awakening to the fact women in wrestling could... Well, you know, wrestle.
She was subjected to the same nonsense all women in WWE were at the time, that's undeniable. But beneath the idiocy, she was and still is a very tidy wrestler indeed, with a moonsault 99% of wrestlers of any gender would envy. She may only be in this list because of what she means to me personally but this is my list so fuck you. Lita is great.
8. John Cena
Calm down, getting angry won't change the fact Cena made the list (sorry Mr Jericho).
John Cena was ever present in WWE for over a decade, in which yes I KNOW he was pushed to absurd levels and I KNOW he spent a portion only caring about 5 moves and I KNOW he buried The Nexus by himself, but guess what? I don't care. In his recent years he's used his status as Company Veteran to put a LOT of new talent over, and he's actually tried to keep up with the newbies too, adding various moves to his repertoire with varying degrees of success. Looking at you, Springboard Stunner.
His promo work is outstanding, his in ring work is decent and he's tried HARD to improve, and he's a diamond away from it all. Sorry, internet, guess what? cenawinslol
7. Finn Bálor
Look at him. LOOK AT HIM. Being that hot should be illegal. Christ.
Anyway. Finn Bálor is a curious case these days; from superb independent runs and a glorious (sorry Mr Roode) New Japan tenure, followed by becoming the first ever Universal Champion, Finn's career has taken a turn for the mediocre in WWE. Or at least it has in terms of booking, but that's symptomatic of WWE.
As a wrestler, Bálor is divine. Quick enough to hang with the high flyers but hard enough to tough it with the heavy hitters, when allowed to he can really show why people love wrestling. His current finisher, the Coup De Grâce, is also a rare instance of a wrestling finisher that genuinely could kill you. Finn Bálor is a gem.
(Okay but seriously look at him. I wouldn't care if Finn Bálor said to call him daddy. Fit.)
6. Owen Hart
We reach my earliest memory of properly loving a wrestler. I had been ten years old for 29 days when Owen Hart died; I remember my grandad, who taped Over The Edge for me, wouldn't let me watch it. It seems like a lifetime ago.
Owen was brilliant. He spent almost and if not all of his career in his brother Bret's shadow, but Owen was a fantastic wrestler in his own right. Brilliant in the ring and infinitely more charismatic than Bret on the mic, he inspired Kevin Owens to the point he took the ring surname Owens in honour, and is rightly remembered by the wrestling world at large as a genius taken too soon.
Rest in peace, Owen Hart.
5. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Stone Cold saved WWE. Undeniably and undisputed (sorry Messrs Cole, O'Reilly, Strong, Fish). During the Monday Night Wars, Austin was the difference between WWE and WCW. That alone attests to his importance to wrestling.
Steve Austin was always better on the microphone than he was a wrestler. That isn't to say be wasn't good enough in ring, evidently he was. He was a good slugger, able to duke it out with anyone and everyone. But good lord, the man was electric with a mic in his hand. The "Austin 3:16" promo gets a list inclusion alone. He spent the late 90s, WWE's halcyon days according to many, ruthlessly ripping everyone and everyone, then hitting another rare finisher that could kill you, and necking beer.
The most important wrestler since the turn of the 1990s, and that's the bottom line, cos Stone Cold said so.
4. Samoa Joe
Right, listen. I don't give a toss about HOW CAN SAMOA JOE BE ABOVE FUCKING STONE COLD whingebagging. He is. Imagine there's a deal with it gif here.
The first reason Samoa Joe is this high, is he's current. My memory of him now is better than my memory of Stone Cold 15 years ago. That's the reality of the situation. The second reason is that Joe is as close to Austin's level of Do Not Give A Fuck as modern WWE gets. His promo work is stunning in both it's believability and it's sheer viciousness. On top of that, Samoa Joe is an absolutely wonderful wrestler. He isn't going to hit a Shooting Star Press any time soon, but he's a LOT quicker than most assume, and is a rare wrestler in the modern WWE era that could pull off a finisher like the Coquina Clutch; rear naked chokes are deadly in reality, but suffer Superman Punch syndrome in wrestling world.
tl;dr Joe is gonna kill you.
3. The Various Gimmicks of Mick Foley
How Mick Foley was able to forge the career he has is a miracle. A wrestler with that many completely different gimmicks, every other time, gets told to settle for one of them, or has the entire thing turned into a shit schizophrenia storyline. Either way, Mick would have done as told admirably. What that doesn't explain, however, is quite how he got the level of opportunities in WWE (F) that he did, when Vince McMahon's obsession with performers being sculpted like statues of Gods hadn't yet begun to even slightly calm down. Mick Foley, with no disrespect intended... was not that type of build at all. It always surprised me as a kid seeing him alongside people like Triple H or Randy Orton. Testament to his ability in ring and on the mic.
As it stands, though, Foley has played Mick Foley, Mankind, Cactus Jack and Dude Love. Sometimes most of them all on the same night. Dude Love was great and I won't hear otherwise, Cactus Jack was the most uninteresting of the lot for me, Mankind was fantastic, and standard Mick Foley is seemingly a nice bloke. Four gimmicks, three rousing success stories and another that should have succeeded too. God bless Mick Foley. Owww, have mercy!
2. Mojo Rawley
nah just kidding
2. Chris Jericho
Speaking of wrestlers able to constantly reinvent themselves, I doubt there are many better or more consistently successful at it than Y2J.
Chris Jericho has changed his entire schtick so many times. The Man of 1,004 Holds (ARMBAR!), The Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, Conspiracy Theorist, Cooldad, it doesn't matter (sorry Mr Johnson). Jericho makes it work and gets it over. Literally; Chris Jericho successfully managed to get the word "it" over with fans. He's forever tuned into what is popular, yet smart enough to know what he can and can't pull off.
Even in the twilight of his career, Jericho is going to New Japan, having 5* matches and taking over. The feud with Kenny Omega was superb from start to finish and I eagerly await his reappearance with the Intercontinental title. Oh and Fozzy are semi-ironically great, but Judas is an unironically great song. Bye.
1. Shawn Michaels
The number one position was never in question. Shawn Michaels is comfortably my favourite wrestler of all time.
I'm fully aware that the man was... unpleasant, for a long period of time. That's not what's being debated, unless it's something like Hogan being a massive racist idiot. Michaels was unpleasant to work with, but both in the ring and in promos, Shawn was absolutely spectacular. A predominantly high flyer in an era of mostly sluggers and mat experts, he was one of the best sellers you'll ever see, and had the babyface comeback down to a fine art. He was also a fantastic heel; Google "Shawn Michaels Montreal heel promo". The heat is unbelievable, and the bait and switch with Bret Hart's music is fucking funny as hell.
Shawn has been involved in some of the all time great rivalries; Bret Hart, Triple H, Chris Jericho all deserve mentions. None, though, are as rightly or fondly remembered as his feud with The Undertaker. It spanned years on end yet never once got boring, and spawned some of the greatest wrestling matches of all time.
Shawn Michaels is unarguably one of the greatest of all time, and is forever my greatest of all time.
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