GCW Orange Cassidy Is Doing Something Or Whatever...Who Knows??? Review

Orange Cassidy comes to the ring to hire a ring announcer. The dude cracks me up.

Queen Of The Swamp, Swamp Monster Match, Elimination - Allie Kat vs Shotzi Blackheart vs Kris Statlander vs Saraya Knight

Well, here we go, This is a 4-way elimination match lumberjack match where all the lumberjacks are dressed as the Swamp Monster. I love wrestling some times. Knight is wearing a shirt that says 'Fuck you, let's play, or I'll kick you in the cunt'. I'm not sure that ratings are in any way worthwhile on this show. This was pretty much what you would expect. There was some wrestling and occasionally someone got pulled into the swamp. 

7/13 Falls - Logan Easton Laroux vs Chris Brookes

You will not see a match with a quicker collection of falls than this. The match starts with a couple of dick kicks for some quick DQs, with most of the other falls coming from a series of successful rollups. At one stage the crowd chants '1 percent' which leads to commentary saying 'lots of racists in the crowd'. A hard fought victory for Chris Brookes.

The Third Annual Jansport Backpacks Invitational Scramble - Jigsaw vs Sonny Defarge vs Tony Deppen vs Jake Atlas vs Dan Champion vs Lucky 13 vs Air Wolf

The winner of this gets a $16 gift card to Friendlies. Fucking hell, there's a match in this one. It's mental too. Dan Champion gets some good looking power moves in, everyone else does some crazy dives and Tony Deppen ends up in the fifth row. This was quite a lot of fun actually. I'll even give it a rating. ***1/2

It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere - Nate Webb vs Session Moth Martina

The rules here are that every 30 seconds they have to drink. Simple as that really. They get progressively drunker and the match ends with a double drunken pass out. I wish I was drunk but I'll save that for Mania. 

Dodgeball

Yeah. They go to pick teams but MJF doesn't get picked so he takes the balls and fucks off. They decide to have a wrestling match instead but the crowd ain't up for that shit and chants 'wrestling sucks'. I zoned out a bit I do remember the 'stupid sexy Yuta' chant and a dodgeball being involved. The match ended with a 5-way submission.

Teddy Hart's Reading Rainbow

Teddy is out with his cat. He chats some shit before reading his book. The reactions of Orange Cassidy are amazing. The crowd is amazing here. Chants of 'read forever' and 'one more book' are great. That was fucking ridiculous but I would be lying if I said it wasn't entertaining. 

Jonathan Gresham vs Shinjiro Otani

This show is the weirdest. This is two great technical wrestlers. No dodgeballs or Swamp Monsters. This was a solid match. It didn't go very long but it was a refreshing change of pace. ***

1 Minute Time Limit - Chuckie T vs Trent?

This goes to a time limit draw just as the lock up. The crowd chants 'match of the year' and '5 more seconds'. We get 5 more seconds and Trent? rolls him up for the win. They hug it out.

Yuletide Deathmatch - Nick Gage vs Ultramantis Black

Sure, why not. Nick Gage is God up in this bitch. What we get here is a barbed wire Christmas tree, Christmas themed thumbtacks and baubles. It's hard to do a deathmatch that doesn't feel the same as every other one. Nick Gage is the best non-Japanese deathmatch wrestler though so this was entertaining enough. **1/2

Following the match, MJF attacks Nick Gage because he is still mad about not being picked in dodgeball. Orange Cassidy comes, out spits OJ in his face, and MJF gets murdered by Gage and Ultramantis.

Overall Thoughts

Well, this was a one of a kind show. Should you watch this show? It kind of depends on how drunk you are. If you are drunk then sure, go for it. It's certainly more entertaining than the WrestlePro show.