IWS Wrestling "Unstoppable" Review

Back on the Independent scene for my next review, IWS Wrestling, Unstoppable. I have no idea on the card tonight and know even less about the company that is promoting it, therefore, fresh eyes once again. Currently on cards I know nothing about I have had one great one, Josh Barnett's Bloodsport, and one really shitty one, Interspecies Wrestling. So on that trend this one should be, alright? Hoping to be surprised and it is ace. Big delay on the start of the show, the generic metal tune they are playing on repeat is making me want to headbutt a window....




There is only about 20 people in attendance, it doesn't bode well..

Alexander Dean vs J Money

Alexander Dean looks like he could be an actual professional wrestler, J Money does not, but money seems to be the face. The match starts with Money twerking on Dean, who slams him to the ground. A criss cross kicks off, Money is knackered. J Money offers Dean a load of cash to take the loss, Dean says no. The biggest move so far from Money is a chop and an ass to the face. Dean is battering the bloke, as he should, I reckon I could beat J Money. Money hits the worst tornado DDT I have ever seen, followed by a Bronco Buster. Money gets a 2 count off a impressive DDV, changed my mind, I wouldn't beat the guy! Dean hits an impressive head arm Suplex for his own two count. The end comes out of no where, with Money on Dean's shoulders, he hits the Victory Roll and gets the three. It was what it was, not the worse match I have watched, it is passable. 1.5 stars.

Ophidian vs Kevin Blanchard IWS Canadian Title

Just so you know, Blanchard is the defending Champ. Ophidian is an interesting gimmick, but something I have noticed, Indie stars seem to like their animal gimmicks more than CM Punk likes moaning about how hard done to he was. Blanchard I am confused by, not really sure what his gimmick is, bald head and Indian War Paint, don't get it one bit. There are that few people at this show that you can hear the three or four people Hissing for Ophidian. Some nice wrestling and combinations from both guys, the best came when Blanchard missed to kicks but hit a nice enzuigiri. Both of these guys can go, that is until Blanchard hits the most pro-wrestling knee to the head you could do, it wasn't good. Ophidian gets a close two with some sort of spinning faceplant, which looked good. I quite like this match to be fair, both guys are working hard for the small crowd. Should have mentioned Blanchard hit a Razors Edge buckle bomb which looked cool as fuck. Blanchard hits a Canadian Destroyer (which will upset Petey Williams, he moaned on Twitter about Adam Cole using one last night) and a Double Stomp for the win, Blanchard retains his title. An entertaining little match, it will never win match of the year or anything, but it was good, so in the interest of being nice, giving it an extra 1/2 star 3 stars

Casanova Production vs Mercedes Bros vs Karl Jepson & Runyan vs Mikey & Mainz

I have no idea what to say. I have a feeling this one will suck. It takes what seems about 20 minutes to start with a jacket removals from Casanova Production, its everyone in the ring at the same time, and it comes down to Mercedes Bros and Mikey and Mainz. It is slow and suffers from obvious choregraphy. All eight men are in for a four person suplex. It wasn't good. Jepson drops who I think is Mikey because he is out of position. Jepson throws one Mercedes into the other, who catches him in a headlock position, Jepson then takes an age while they just stand there to knife-edge chop one forcing him to DDT the other. The win comes when Mikey "kicks" (it was miles away) Runyan in the end and Mainz walks the ropes and hits a splash in the best move of the match. It was a clusterfuck 1 star.

Nick Fucking Gage vs Matt Tremont vs The Green Phantom

No time to introduce as Gage and Tremont get straight into it. I believe this is some kind of Deathmatch. Green Phantom ignores the brawling Gage and Tremont until he has done his entrance damn it! It is a good job there is plenty of room as the a brawling all through the crowd, Tremont has been busted open already. Typical death match stuff, chair shots and stuff, which if I was watching this 15 years ago I would have loved, now to be honest, it bores me somewhat. Tremont and Gage sit down and swing at each other. Phantom puts a stop to that silliness. We actually get a wrestling move, Tremont takes Gage down with a headlock takedown. Have to say, this is the second time I have seen Nick Gage now, and I don't get the hype, to me he is like a softer white New Jack. and I hate New Jack. This is also my second time with Tremont, and he is worse. We have a fork stabbing spot, which is terrible. I have just realised, it has finally happened, I have gone full Cornette, I am getting nothing from this match, with every chair shot or bite I get more and more annoyed. The Green Phantom gets the win, by slamming Tremont through some kind of board in the corner. This will get a low mark, but if you like mindless violence in your wrestling, and hardcore deathmatch stuff, then watch this, I am just the wrong reviewer really. But I thought it was shit DUD

Sanchez vs Sheldon Jean vs Excess vs Superkid Nelson vs Black Dynamite vs Max Lemire

I am not even going to try my normal style of review for this one, I have a feeling it will be a massive clusterfuck. The only picture I could find on the internet was of the four above, they must have had two guys hanging around and asked if they wanted in on this match. To sum up the start, Max Lemire, who is at least twice the size of everyone else, clears the ring until he smacked with a chair. The others are in and out of the ring, it isn't as hectic as I thought it might be, and actually has some structure to it. Sheldon Jean slips off the top rope, which shows you should learn to crawl before you walk. There is a really bad Tarantula from Excess to Superkid. Black Dynamite does a spinny thing that hits exactly no one but the two guys down still sell like it did, it raised a smile from me, I trying hard to get rid of the inner Cornette I really am. The win comes when Max Lemire hits a sit down Powerbomb on Excess. The match wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination, but not a DUD 1 star

Veda Scott vs Solo Darling vs Ady Starr IWS Womens Championship

To start, nobody is introduced as the champion.Considering I have seen Ady Starr in a Lego Death Match this week this match could go off. Solo Darling looks a bit lost, when she locks up with Starr she doesn't seem to know what she is doing, in some sort of weird leg move, which I don't see catching on. Darling does hit some okay looking kicks, but only after Starr stood still and asked her to. A pump handle slam from Darling on Starr gets the first two count. Forget what I said about Darling, Veda Scott is by far the least talented woman in this match. There is just no urgency from any of these women, to much waiting around for the next move, it just doesn't look good, for anyone. Darling gets a Double Texas Cloverleaf by stacking Starr and Scott on top of each other. The commentators insist it is a double Sharpeshooter, it isn't. Ady Starr wins with a sliding forearm on a floored Veda Scott. It wasn't great, but also not terrible, just slow moving and a lot of looking at each other. 1.25 stars

Rory Gulak vs Benjamin Tull IWS Heavyweight Championship

Again, so you know, Benjamin Tull is the defending champion. Tull is approximately three times bigger than Gulak, however they are playing up Gulak's mat style and amateur wrestling pedigree. It is mainly chain wrestling in the early going, with Gulak coming out on top with side headlocks. I am sick of Gulak shouting Amazing, it isn't mate, its the basics, yes you are doing them well but amazing... Anyway I digress, while I was typing that Tull has taken control by slowing the pace and smacking him about, that is until Gulak gets annoyed and gets a double leg takedown and some ground and piund on Tull. Tull hightails it to the outside in frustration. Every time Tull tries to enter, Gulak cuts him off, he then attempts a dive, but Tull easily catches him in a Bear Hug. Both are back in the ring now, Tull hits an elbow drop for a two. Tull continues to stamp, slap and punch the shit out of Gulak. This goes on for a good few minutes, and it like a 1980 WWF match, so boring. Gulak gets back into it, cocks up his comeback by starting a forward roll to late, but he powers through bless him, hitting a splash off the top for a near fall. Tull regains control with a Boss Man Slam, which I think Gulak forgot to kick out of because Tull rolled off him before his shoulder came up. Gulak manages to hit a German Suplex for a two count. Tull goes for a big boot, which he misses but it still sold, but then misses an avalanche, but no sells a German Suplex to hit a big Lariat for a 2. Tull is on the top where he just jumps off to nothing. He recovers quick enough to stop Gulak on his own ascent to the top, but he gets nutted off. Gulak jumps off the top, but Tull catches him on his shoulders hits his finish and retains the title. Again, it was okay, nothing great, nothing worth going out of your way to watch, but it didn't massively offended me 1.5 stars

Arik Cannon vs Sexxxy Eddie Alco Brawl

Well, the point of this match is to drink and Brawl through the crowd. That is it, I am done with this shit, the inner Cornette has fully taken over about the time that "five pounds of cockmeat" is announced. Hopefully this is short, I didn't think Eddie was funny against Swoggle, I still don't now. It just seems the focus is on Eddies cock, We get a dance break, Cannon does a really bad worm, and they are off for Tequila, because that is the song. This can fuck off, it is already going to get a DUD. Chumbawamba comes on, so they are off for more drink, each in turn obviously, Sexxxy Eddie harasses some poor woman in the crowd until the next chorus, where they have a Whiskey Drink, A Vodka Drink and Cider Drink. Cannon, when allowed to wrestle, doesn't look too bad. I have no idea what the next song is something about one beer, one bourbon and one whiskey. I hope this finishes soon. Owen, if you read this, it should make you happy, this is shit wrestling at its finest. A stupid gimmick, a guy who I think can wrestle not being allowed, and Sexxy Eddie who is now my least favourite wrestler ever. That is right, worse than Bobby Lashley. Baby Shark is played next, they all start dancing to it, ref included. It still isn't funny. Some song that is shouting shot over and over. Fuck this match please finish. Cannon throws some chairs in the ring to set up a piece of wood as a makeshift table. Both men take turns to slam the other through it until the next song comes on. They are using the table to set up beers, it still isn't funny, they pass beers out to the crowd. The match is finally over when Sexxy Eddie Germans Cannon and they both get pinned and are both declared as winner. Terrible, don't watch this shit.DUD

OVERALL

The best Wrestling match by a country fucking mile was Ophidian vs Kevin Blanchard, but it wasn't enough to save this show. I think I should say, I like comedy in wrestling, and I think it has it's place, but the main thing about it, for it to work, is it has to be funny. None of the comedy in this was funny. I should also say that I don't completely hate hardcore wrestling, but for me, it has to make sense in a story of a match, not just for the sake of it, again Tremont Gage and Phantom didn't have any narrative to follow or any reason for what they were doing. I think I am just actually too old for shit like this, maybe 15 years ago I would have had a blast, but not now. I can't in good conscience recommend you watch this show, it was marginally better than Balls Out, and that is only because it didn't have a fucking food fight. Just as a final note, Jim Cornette, I am in your way of thinking now, if you ever need a third person on your pod-cast to talk about when Wrestling was Wrestling give me a call. It only gets one star because of Ophidian and Blanchard. 1 star.