WWE Fastlane Review

What can I say, Fastlane, quite possibly one of the most pointless distractions on the road to WrestleMania. For me, this time could be better invested telling stories to build the granddaddy of them all, and in the age we are in where PPV revenue is different due to the network I cant see the point, but hey, what do I know. Some matches tonight could surprise me but on paper it looks like one of the most predictable cards of the year. Apologies to start with, I missed most of the Pre-Show and came in mid way through Rusev and Nakamura vs The New Day, all I will say about this is Rusev and Nakamura as a team are interesting and I think handled right could be really good. But, this is WWE, for one they don't give tag teams the respect they deserve and secondly, they don't know how to handle Rusev or Nakamura, two of the best wrestlers around so I don't hold high hopes. Which is proved with a New Day victory, where a loss wouldn't have hurt them and could have built The Artist and The Bulgarian Brute.

The Miz & Shane McMahon vs The Usos Tag Team Championship

Why oh why is Shane McMahon featured in a championship match. Amongst the tag teams WWE currently has on Smackdown the two teams in the kickoff, The Bar, Gallows and Anderson, Sanity and now the Hardy Boys, they have teams like AOP doing nothing, I mean, I would rather see The Ascension in this spot but we get Shane McfuckingMahon. And face Miz is no where near as fun. The Usos are excellent. Shane and Miz are on top for the opening section of this match, with Shane and his unconvincing offence taking out both Jimmy and Jey. That is until a blind tag puts the Usos on top and they go to work on the middle aged office worker. Is it just me or does Shane look nearly as old as Vince? A two hour Chinlock does nothing for my excitement of this match. Usos are playing heel here and are doing the best with what they have got, another Chinlock is put on Shane. Shane hits the Rocks DDT on Jey I think and gets the tag just as Jimmy is tagged in. Miz takes control and hits the IT kicks in the corner followed by running double knees and his corner clothesline. The pace improved soon as Miz hit the ring. Miz is wearing a bright orange Cleveland is awesome top, cheap pop. Usos are back on top, when Jey is tagged in and hits a pop up Samoan Drop and Superkick tagging in Jimmy Usos they get a one count as Shane breaks up the count. Shane is in looking terrible and is floored by an Uso double team. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Jimmy, but because Shane has blobbed in the ring the ref is out of position and only gets a two. Usos miss their Doomsday Device move and Miz is back on top but keeps getting cut off. Shane and Jey Uso climb the top rope, Jey goes for a splash on Miz and Shane intercepts, it must have looked good live because it gets a "Holy Shit" chant from the crowd. On TV it looks like shit. Miz goes for a Frog Splash, for some reason nobody knows, which Corey Graves brings up, gets caught with the double knees and pinned. Didn't like this at all, Shane has no place in 2019 WWE and if they really do want to do what's best for business, stop him being in the ring. As far as Tag Team openers, The Undisputed Era vs War Raiders it wasn't. 1 Star. After the match we get a Shane McMahon heel turn as he blindsides the Miz in front of his father and beats him up. Firstly, Miz's Dad looks younger than Shane, secondly it should have been Miz turning heel. Shane applies probably the worse Triangle I have ever seen, and there are plenty shitty looking Triangles applied in WWE. This post match beatdown has gotten more time and respect than 205 Live have on the big shows all year. Not happy that Miz is going into WrestleMania to face Shane McMahon. Next please.

Backstage segement with Drew McIntyre, Baron Corbin and "Boremachine" Bobby Lashley. McIntrye is a bonafide star and is money, he needs to drop the other two and soon. They don't really say a lot of note.

Elias is in the ring and has some funny lines for his song. Best being "Miz if that is your father, well you're not going to age well" We now get a recap of the kickoff show, see this already feels like TV rather than a big card

Asuka vs Mandy Rose WWE Smackdown Womens Title

Asuka is my favourite female wrestler, I just think she is awesome. Mandy Rose on the other hand, is just average at best. Would have preferred to see Sonya Deville in this spot who I think has a big upside. Another reason to not like Mandy Rose matches actually has nothing to do with her, its Corey Graves who seems to turn into Jerry Lawler and just pervs all over her, if we had a "Puppy" chant and a stupid laugh like he has never seen a women we would be in the middle of The Attitude Era. Asuka is doing the best with what she has, applying quick submissions with Deville breaking it up. Mandy Rose escapes an Octopus with the worse looking slam I have seen for a while. Asuka hits a poor looking kick on Mandy Rose, who sells it badly, followed by a sliding knee for a two. Asuka misses a hip attack and gets kneed, allowing Rose to hook up her finish, but Asuka escapes. Deville as a Kendo Stick from under the ring, Rose is whipped into the ropes and she slips on the apron and gets kicked in the face, really well this time, for the three. Deville goes in to check on Rose, Rose is having none of it, looks like one of the few credible women's team is being broken up. Nobody looked good coming out of this match. 1.5 stars.

Backstage skit with New Day and Vince McMahon. With Woods and Big E doing most of the talking. Vince really is showing his age now and he may actually be human. The WWE match is now a triple threat, the prediction league is going to the wall with these last minute changes!

Well, we have been swerved, is Russo back, anyway now we have....

Kofi Kingston vs The Bar 2-1 Handicap Match

This is just stupid. The Bar don't have to tag in and out, and are one of the best teams in the world. What ever is going through the booking teams head is stupid. There are better ways to Kingston vs Bryan at WrestleMania. Kingston gets in some offence but nothing major, as he shouldn't. This Boring Chant rings out. I concur. The New Day make there way down, but get jumped by Rusev and Nakamura. This is all TV non-sense if I could give lower than DUD or 0 than I would.

Bayley and Sasha come for their interview and give a shout out to Kofi with big smiles, even though he has just been destroyed, great compassion girls. Bland promo. This show is a struggle...

Another promo section, why have this show at all, its been on an hour and we have had two matches, the rest with nothingness. I will keep saying, this PPV is pointless, this should have all been done on Raw or Smackdown that first hour seems to have lasted 12, it is terrible. After Elias we get a fucking recap of Shane battering Miz, we can remember, nothing else has happened. It is getting worse with every passing minute, it is a struggle to sit here when my bed is so close. The recap cuts to another backstage segment.

Aleister Black & Ricochet vs Bobby Roode & Chad Gable vs The Revival Triple Threat Raw Tag Team Championship

I really like every single wrestler in this match. The Revival are the best team in the world and if they were allowed to shine then the tag division would be the best divison. Aleister Black is one of my favourite current wrestlers Ricochet is the closest to a real life Spider-Man I think I have ever seen, Bobby Roode is reliable and Gable is excellent. Please give this match time to build, let it be the match it deserves to be. With how this show is going it wouldn't surprise me to see Vince unleash Lions to the ring. Chad Gable and Ricochet start the match, some nice wrestling throws by Gable, until Ricochet slips out the back, Dash tags himself in off Gable, takes Ricochet by surprise, a quick tag to Dawson and they isolate Ricochet. Ricochet kicks Wilder off and Gable tags himself in. It has started slow, with rest holds, Dawson back in and he hangs Ricochet over the top rope and hits some nice quick Legdrops. Ricochet makes the tag to Black, and he kicks the crap out of the Revival and Roode. A distraction from Wilder allows Roode to hit a Spinebuster and get on top, not for long as Black gets in charge, until Gable manages to hit is lovely delayed German on Black, without noticing that Wilder is on top rope who hits a big splash on Gable, but here is Ricochet with the 450 splash for a two count, best portion of the night so far. It ends up with Ricochet on the top with the other legal man Scott Dawson, he Hurricanranca's Dawson on to everyone else. He then flies over the ring post to take out Bobby Roode, but Gable tags him on the way over, leading to Gable vs Dawson, well here comes Wilder for Shatter Machine and the Three. After the match, Black and Ricochet kill everyone, with The Black Mass and 630 both being hit on people. Easily the best match so far, but still never really came together and I do expect a lot more with the talent that was in the ring. 2.5 Stars

R Truth vs Samoa Joe vs Andrade vs Rey Mysterio US Championship

I love Joe, he would be my heavyweight champion if I was booking it. Andrade is stunning in the ring and hasn't really been allowed to shine since being on Smackdown, but when they have needed him to produce he has. Rey adds a nice legend touch and is in the best run of his career. And Truth. I can remember Truth in TNA, under Ron Killings, and I am sure he was coming out to Whats Up then, for a musician, he needs some new stuff. Joe is winning this, he has to. Truth and Andrade are quickly cleared from the ring and Joe batters Rey, throwing him into Andrade waiting arms for a DDT on the outside, but Truth floors him, all three men are down, they stagger up and get hit with a flying Samoan. Andrade and Rey have a brief flurry until Truth is back in, this is moving at a quick pace I don't think they have been given the time. Joe floors Rey and Truth and continues to batter them, Andrade is taking a nap. Joe gets the rear naked on truth, knocked off into the 619 position but he catches Rey and lifts him into a slam position, Rey reverses it into a DDT. Rey climbs up top and Andrade cuts him off, Truth gets involved and lifts Andrade on his shoulders, for Rey to jump off the top and hits an Hurricanrana, it was lovely. Andrade goes for the three Amigos on Rey, but only gets two before being rolled up. Joe, who has taken his breather, drags Truth to the outside, but he is then floored by a Corkscrew High Cross Body, for Rey to then jump off the top to floor him. The Women fight and are pulled apart by Truth and Andrade. Joe tries to steal the pin but it gets broken up. Truth does his best John Cena impression, hitting a five knuckle shuffle on Joe, but it isn't long before Joe is back on top, until Rey gets back involved- he hits Joe with the 619 and then misses his splash, Joe locks in the choke and Rey passes out. Joe Wins. A good little match, with some lovely high spots, everyone had there chance to shine, and it has replaced the previous match as the best match on the card so far. 2.75 Stars.

Boss and Hug Connection vs Nia Jax & Tamina Womens Tag Team Championship

I suppose that it makes some sort of sense to have Jax and Tamina battle Banks and Bayley first, but I can not get excited about a match that has Tamina in it. I am hoping for WrestleMania that the Riott Squad get their chance in the sun. Beth Pheonix joins Graves and Cole, I like Beth in this position. I cant bring myself to do my normal review on this match, mainly because well, Tamina, she seems constanley out of position,slow and sloppy. Jax botched a Samoan Drop, a double team from Banks and Bayley isn't great, the crowd seem flat and it doesn't seem to get going. The double knees from Banks followed by the elbow from Bayley on Jax gets a two. Bayley reverses a Powerbomb attempt from Jax and rolls her up for a three. Again, after the match we get a beatdown from the losers. Tamina hits what was called a Superkick, but it wasn't. Beth Phoniex stares down Tamina, it is the most entertaining bit so far, Beth smacks Tamina, so Jax blasts her from behind, she is thrown into the ring and eats Jax legdrop. Natayla is in and now they both get beat down. This is another TV spot, setting up Phoniex and Nattie vs Jax and Tamina. The match was flat, average at its best, and the champions treated as an after thought. 1.5 stars. Tamina is terrible.

Kevin Owens vs Daniel Bryan WWE Championship

This could really save this night, Kevin Owens and Daniel Bryan are two of the best wrestlers in WWE right now. Both are more than capable of stealing the show at any given moment, please don't mess anymore with this match. It is announced as a Triple Threat match, teasing Kofi Kingston instead we get Mustafa Ali, which I don't mind, Ali is great, however the crowd are so flat for it, literally nothing from them. Have just been informed that Rowan is wearing a Eluveitie shirt, I am old so don't know who they are, but please everyone who is reading this, message Ian Marshall and find out if he has one. Crowd are shitting on this match from the get go, a we want Kofi chant. To start the match the faces team up on the heel, great, more we want Kofi chants. Look, I get it, but look at the bigger picture for a second, give Ali his chance. Owens is chopping through Ali in the corner. Ali turns it round with a nice dropkick. The Crowd are going to ruin this match, they are either flat at as fuck or chanting for Kofi. Owens hits a Cannonball off the apron on Ali and then a running Cannonball on Bryan. Mustafa Ali takes a ride off the top to the outside courtesy of a Daniel Bryan Dropkick. Bryan then hits his Yes Kicks in the corner on KO, Captain Planet Daniel Bryan is on top, until KO fights his way back, but Bryan regains control with a Clothesline. He hits his Yes Kicks in the middle on KO, and gets a two count until Mustafa Ali breaks up the count, he ends up eating the DB Kicks for his trouble- avoiding the final kick hitting The X Factor on Bryan. The crowd may as well go home the miserable shits. Owens is back up and his hitting Cannonballs for fun, until he is paused with a Superkick from Ali, which in turn lets KO hit a Superkick on Bryan. With Ali on his back KO hits a senton on the prone Bryan. Standing Spanish Fly on Bryan from Mustafa Ali was great, he goes for a 450 on Owens, but KO gets out of the way, he then hits the Stunner on Ali for the two and is broken up by Bryan. Bryan and Owens start exchanging left and rights, Bryan comes out on top with a Superkick, Bryan measures Owens for the running knee, but Owens catches him in a Pop-Up-Powerbomb for a long two count. Bryan goes for his knee attack on Ali, but he gets out of the way. Ali then manages to hit his 450 on the outside, to literally nothing from the crowd, they gave a holy shit for Shane’s sloppy jumping, the pricks. I am sure WWE are sweetening the sound now, it sounds active but you look round at blank faces. Owens put pay to the Ali being on top, with a Powerbomb on the apron, this causes Rowan to hit his spin kick on Owens, rolling DB back in to get a two on Ali. Another Kofi chant rings out, it isn't happening people. Bryan gets the win when he hits the Double Knees in the air on Mustfa Ali. I really enjoyed that match. The crowd ruined it. I have to ask, and if someone could explain to me, is the Kofi thing off the back of his performance in the Gauntlet match on Smackdown? Sure his Elimination Chamber performance was good, but Mustafa Ali is better, Kingston isn't even the best in The New Day, so tell me why the swell of emotion I have missed something... Anyway, that match was really good, I enjoyed it. 3.5 Stars.

Becky Lynch vs Charlotte Flair

Simply put, the two best and most over wrestlers in WWE right now, and that is a fact. This adds a different layer to their long story with Lynch coming into the match injured. Flair is great as an obnoxious heel and her work mocking Becky is awesome, Becky on the other hand, is someone who you want to get behind, The Man gimmick is great. As predicted, the match starts with Flair dominating, mocking Becky, picking her knee to bits, with Becky showing flashes of offence, but the never back down attitude, the continue to fight for everything she gets, is on glaring display. Every Becky Lynch comeback is cut short by Flair. Becky gets a cheeky roll-up for a two, but then eats more abuse from Flair. Becky gets a window, as Flair is taking too long to get up top, and Becky throws her off the top rope, she barley beats the count, straight into her Disarmer, but Flair applies the Figure Four, her comes Ronda Rousey who slides in and smacks Becky square in the gob, causing the DQ victory for Becky. I actually don't mind this finish, it protects everyone involved, we get the match we want, and it adds to the story. The match itself was good, a different story to what we are used to and a different match, it was what it needed to be. 3 Stars.

We get Elias again, who slags off Becky Lynch. Lacey Evans comes out and goes back in again, I don't get what they are doing with her. Elias gets hits with an RKO outta no where, then Orton gets hit with a Pheenomenal Forearm for one of the more entertaining segments of this PPV

The Shield vs Baron Corbin, Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley

The big story out of this match is that Roman Reigns is back, being in remission from leukaemia is great, introducing him a tag match is the right thing to do, let Seth and Dean do the bumping and get the big win for the feel good moment. However, I cant do it, I cant sit here and watch Bobby Lashley, with all the other garbage that has been on, I am tired, and watching Bobby Lashley right now seems like the equivalent of sticking pins in my eyes, or being forced to attend Katie Hopkins lecture. And seeing as Leah missed Shane she can have the "honour" of having Corbin and Lashley together. Couldn't rate, Didn't Watch. The Shield Won by the way.

OVERALL

Lets start positive, Flair vs Lynch told a different story to what we are used to and even the DQ finish with Ronda Rousey didn't tarnish that, because quite frankly, going into WrestleMania these three are THE story. Daniel Bryan vs Kevin Owens vs Mustafa Ali was a great match shit on by the crowd. The Average The Fatal Fourway and Triple Threat Tag Match, both could have been better, but I felt that they cut time or didn't allocate enough for them to play out properly, but they were still good with some nice spots. The Bad. The rest of the card. The first hour was particularly hardwork, with numerous recaps, adverts and stupid backstage stuff. The recaps were especially annoying seeing the events they were recapping had just happened! The amount of time for Shane and Miz post match beatdown was tedious, and really if you watch anything from that match, look at Shane McMahon's terrible Triangle. Then came the murder of Kofi Kingston and The New Day, Vince may as well come out and shit in everyone's lap, that's how bad he killed that crowd. Also through the whole show, couldn't shake that feeling that I was just watching Raw or Smackdown, nothing felt momentous, nothing felt out of the ordinary except the thing that killed it more than anything, The Murder of Kofi Kingston, which was so far out of the ordinary I thought Russo was going to come down and cut a "shoot" on how "you'll never see Kingston again brother", or something like that anyway. Honestly, if you never watch anything from this card, you haven't missed anything, nothing here will stop the enjoyment of WrestleMania and all the good bits, like Elias/Randy Orton/AJ Styles or Rousey interfering will all be on WWE's smooth as silk hype videos. Maybe check out the Triple Threat because it is a good match on a bad card. Overall 2 Stars. And that I think is being generous.